


To be in love or To Not be

by Smh_nope



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Atsumu deserves all the love in the world, Breaking Up & Making Up, Hurt, Insecurity, M/M, Sakusa is oblivious to his lovers internal self doubts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:07:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27160901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smh_nope/pseuds/Smh_nope
Summary: Where in atsumu questions his entire relationship with sakusa and cant seem to be sure weather the MSBY outside hitter is actually in love with him or not."Ain't a relationship supposed to be easier than this?"
Relationships: MSBY dynamic, Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 9
Kudos: 46





	1. Tired

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where in atsumu questions his entire relationship with sakusa and cant seem to be sure weather the MSBY outside hitter is actually in love with him or not.
> 
> "Ain't a relationship supposed to be easier than this?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first au so I have no idea what im doing so dont mind the mistakes i make. Constructive criticism is welcomed. Unnecessary hate is not. :)

He was used to this. He knew it going into their relationship. He knew it ever since he knew him. He knew it all. He always knew.

_Then why does it still fucking hurt so much?_

Atsumu stared down at his phone reading and rereading the last text his boyfriend had sent him. He knew sakusa had major behavioral issues akin to his own but even he must get tired of being like this once in a while right?

**To: Omi Kun**

Can I come over please?

**From: Omi Kun**

No.I don't want to have to pesticide my whole apartment just so you can come.

**To: Omi Kun**

Mhn Kay.

Sorry fer askin.

Even as he typed out that message he could feel anger and pain blooming in his chest. He doesn't know why but today had been an especially bad day for him. A grueling practice which left his body sore and aching. A fight with samu which escalated more than it should have. A few hurtful words here and a few jabs there. And now this. All he wanted now was some comfort and his boyfriends company.

_Is that too much to fucking ask for?_

He could feel a new wave of anger douse over him. Bitterness rising up and settling in his heart. He didnt try to stop it. If this were as usual he would just tell himself to calm down and remind himself that omi loves him as much as he loves him. Maybe not just as much but still he is trying his best.

_**Today is not the usual.** _

_**Today is different.** _

Today these thoughts don't calm him down. Today they anger him and they confuse him. Sending him into a downward spiral.

_Omi doesn't love me nearly as much as I love him and he never will._

A bitter laugh escapes his throat. Atsumu knew this too.

_Omi loves me enough to tolerate me. Nothing more nothing less._

Sakusa isn’t one for affection. That in itself is a universal fact. He doesn't need nor have time for relationships. The companionship of another is merely meaningless. All the partners he needs and will ever need are on court with him by his side. Anyone else is optional, unnecessary. So needless to say it was quite a shock when he agreed to dating Atsumu that day, 6 months ago, on the roof of their shared dorm.

_Was it all a lie? Did he just agree cuz I’m his teammate?_

Atsumu was beyond frustrated now. He hated this. He hated himself. He hated him. No. Not him. He could never hate him. Trust me he has tried. He tried so hard that in the end all his resorts gave up and he ended up vomiting a confession that day on the roof top

_Maybe if I kept my mouth shut then I wouldn't have to deal with all this pain now._

Atsumu knows he’s trying. He knows he’s putting in his best effort. He always does. Whether it be in volleyball or his personal life Atsumu doesn't indulge in anything where he won’t be able to do his best.

_Maybe I am tryin but in reality the problem is that I'm just not enough?_

The 2 extra showers he has squeezed into his routine. The sanitizer that stands on the small table next to the door waiting to be used when he comes home. The extra wet wipes in his gym bag. They all beg to differ. He knows he has changed all of these things just for the comfort of his love.

_I am trying aren't I?_

_But when have ya ever tried anything like this for me omi Kun?_

The moment he thinks it a wave of nausea hits him. Like a wet blanket has been dropped on his dreams of a perfect-no happy relationship with kiyoomi. Coming to think of him he can’t think the last time omi has ever done something even remotely Significant like that for him. ~~Hell he can’t even remember if there was a first.~~

_I say he’s trying his best but is he really? Am I Just makin' excuses for him?_

Yes sakusa has been trying. He lets Atsumu walk within 2 feet of him. Initiates holding hands most of the time. And on their good rather rare days, he gives him forehead kisses. When they spend nights together sakusa touches him in ways he wouldn't dare touch anyone else. He holds atsumu's body close to his, skin to skin. He lets Atsumu touch him too in ways which are completely overwhelming and send him on edge. Afterwards when they sleep next to each other omi doesn't mind Atsumu being close to him. He isn’t one for cuddles but he lets him be close. For someone with misophobia he sure does try a lot for tsumu. Yes sakusa is trying.

_But is it that it? Is it enough?_

Given sakusa is trying his best to get over his phobia and is getting used to Atsumu gradually being closer to him, But isn't a relationship more than just touching and the physical stuff? What about the little things. The little gestures you show when you’re in love. Atsumu doubts kiyoomi is one to blatantly and obnoxiously show his love as he himself does. But he’s never even tried to show it subtly.

_Isn’t a relationship supposed to be easier than this?_

No. Relationships are hard work. He knows that. He has seen his parents fight and stay mad at each other for weeks. A competition of passive aggressiveness. He has seen them be mad at each other yet show care silently. Harsh actions underlying a small message of care. He has had his own experiences with his brother. Even now when they are fighting he doesn't feel any hate behind the malicious words spewn nor does he feel any ill content. The love is always present. It might be overpowered by the other feelings but it is sure there. Even when you’re fighting. Especially when you’re fighting. Small things to show that even though you are mad you are still in love.

_That's what a real relationship is right? Loving each other in the tiny little ways which amount to everything. Love is always present._

_Then why am I doubting weather or not he actually loves me?_

No one should have to be in a relationship where they have to doubt if they are loved or not constantly. Whether the next mistake is gonna stop the relationship in its track. Or will the other be finally tired and leave. That's not the makings of a healthy relationship

_Just what exactly are ya doing to me omi Kun?_

With a sigh Atsumu heads to bed. Not without texting his brother first. If all goes well they'll be back to normal by tomorrow evening.

* * *

He arrived at Morning practice as usual. Hinata and bokuto seemingly having all the energy in the world. Meian looking like he wished he could drop dead on spot. Barnes and Adriah talking about something which was out of his reach of understanding. Inunaki was in the corner applying some ointment on his newly acquired scars. As team libero he sure spent more time on patching up his body after extreme receives rather doing said receiving. Finally his eyes set on a small figure wrapping his wrists in the quite corner of the gym.

For a while Atsumu just stood there and admired his face. The cute moles on the top of his forehead. Raven curls covering his narrow black eyes and-

"Hey tsum-tsum" a loud voice interrupted his daydream of his boyfriend. A loud voice belonging to no other than their completely normal ace bokuto. Behind him Hinata also noticed his entrance and bursted in a loud “Hey Atsumu san" Atsumu's previous sour mood seemed to vanish at the sight of his wholesome yet somewhat overbearing teammates.

"Hey guys"

"Tsum-tsum you sure you okay? You got bags under your eyes"

_Shit .Do I really?_

"It’s nothing to worry about bokkun. Just stayed up late watching an old Adler’s match"

It wasn’t a lie really. Before paranoia and insecurities took over him he was watching one of their previous matches. But afterwards he just spent the whole night wondering just how he can fix his relationship with sakusa. If it was even fixable.

Said spiker turned to him and with a disgusted look and said," you look like shit you should take better care of yourself."

The words which were meant to carry an underlying message of care only made Atsumu’s heart ache. Still he forced a smile and muttered out an "anything fer ya omi omi" before excusing himself to go to the locker room to change.

Sakusa having seen that his smile didn't quite reach his eyes followed him to the locker room. Atsumu was in the corner changing his shirt when sakusa entered. "What’s wrong with you?"

Atsumu turned with a wry smile, “whatever do ya mean omi omi?"

"I mean that the stick up your ass seems to have managed to go deeper this morning and I want to know what exactly caused it"

That must not have been the right thing to say cause atsumu's jaw hardened and his eyes narrowed. He refused to answer.

"You know I saw through that piss poor excuse of a lie before right? You weren't watching the alders match were you?"

"I was"

"Oh yeah? Who won the 4th set?" Sakusa challenged.

"Adler’s. Ushiwaka Kun scored a service ace. Now are ya convinced omi omi?" Atsumu deadpanned and gave a thin lipped smile before turning his attention back to successfully putting his knee pads on.

Sakusa looked like he wanted to pester him more but he didn't. He just nodded and left the room. Atsumu let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

_If only ya knew omi._

Practice went as usual. Being on court cleared up Atsumu's mind freeing him from the plaguing thoughts of last night. This is why he loved volleyball. He puts his 102% and receives as such. There are times he of course loses but they aren't really a loss. Never once has he regretted the time put into practice. The effort and sheer devotion put into improving himself and being able to continue volleyball has always been worth it to him. Volleyball has never once disappointed him. He knows that he always has a place to come back to: the court. He knows that he can always be himself and pull off impossible sets and bring out the best in his spikes. He is confident in that fact. Even when he loses a match, he never really loses.

He looks back on his match with karasuno on his second year. They were seeded to win yet they lost to a murder of strange and baffling crows who didn't seem like much yet worked at an alarming pattern during playtime. He remembers how disappointed yet thrilled he felt when he lost the match. He may have lost but he also found something: A spiker worth setting to. He looks at the tangerine spiker now jumping up, frozen midflight, effortless form. A strikingly beautiful sight. He sets the ball and the ball drops on the other side of the court before anyone can make a move to receive it.

"Nice kill shouyou Kun!"

Said tangerine looks up at him and breaks into a smile," Nice toss Atsumu san"

_No. I didn't lose did I? I said I'd toss to him and here I am. When it comes to volleyball I never lose._

He looks back to his last ever high school match in his third year. That year was incredibly important for him though it may not seem like it. His old captain kita san had entrusted him with the position of captain and he would do anything to make him proud. Not only that but it was the last time he and samu would ever be on the same court. He remembers standing there on the center court. He remembers the announcers introducing him and his team, his name being first as he was captain. He remembers shaking hands with the other teams captain a wild look of determination mirroring his own. He remembers setting the final ball which won them the match and subsequently nationals. He remembers the bittersweet tears dripping down his cheek as he hugged samu and suna. He remembers his chest swelling with pride as he held the trophy and waved to Kita who was watching from the stands. He remembers looking at the Inarizaki banner and thinking _**“I don’t need memories but I sure as hell want 'em."**_

That day he made a vow to himself. He would always collect memories on court. Every significant play, every impossible receive, every hard earned point would be locked away in a corner of his brain. No, he doesn't _**need**_ the memories but you don’t have to necessarily need something in order to _**want**_ it.

**_Volleyball has never failed me. Its familiar territory. Sakusa however is not._ **

In all the years Atsumu has known him. Sakusa is the textbook definition of aloof. Compared to his loquacious cousin komori he stood out even more. More so than he did when he wore his highlighter ass neon jersey from Itachiyama. His charming looks had made him popular with girls in his high school day and so did his weird wrist thingy which made him popular with people in the volleyball world. Being one of the top 3 aces certainly didn't help him stay out of the lime light. While he did enjoy being known for his volleyball skills and took pride in that, he hated being cornered by people asking him "You’re the guy with the nasty spin aren’t you?" Or "sakusa san please go out with me?” He was tired of all these people towering him. It made him nervous. To his surprise when he met Atsumu during training camp in their second year the latter didn't take the least bit interest in him and instead pestered a poor 1st year setter. The only time they talked was Atsumu telling him to stop judging and doubting his tosses. Sakusa noted then and there that Atsumu was a vain prideful jerk who set okay tosses. Atsumu concluded that sakusa was too blunt for his own good jerk with decent form. Their first impressions of each other wasn't memorable.

They didn't meet again for a few years. Sakusa completing his college while Atsumu went pro right off the bat. They only met again at MSBY auditions when sakusa joined. Atsumu had been with the team for four years at that point so he was asked to take care of the new recruits. To say they didn't get along would be a massive understatement. Sakusa had a problem with everything Atsumu did which wasn't volleyball related and Atsumu couldn't stand sakusa's constant nagging so they both ended up fighting more often than not. On court they were great but off court they were a disaster waiting to happen. Everyone said so.

Maybe it did happen. Falling in love with each other was the disaster. In no way is falling for a teammate ever a good idea. Especially if both of them happen to be prideful stubborn jerks who would go on and on at each other for hours without any prompt.

_Well I’m the only one in love so it’s only a disaster for me._

The thought had depressed him so fast that he failed to notice the spiker spiking the ball towards him. He ended up getting smacked on the face and having a nose bleed. The team surrounded him with a series of "are you okay’s and "are you gonna die tsum-tsum?” He just shakes it off saying he just got sidetracked but someone was not having it. From behind the small crowd sakusa, who had spike the ball, chimed in," What kind of professional player gets sidetracked and takes a ball to the face? You're getting your blood everywhere it’s as disgusting as it is unsanitary." At his words the whole room quite down. Atsumu’s face turned stone hard and combined with the thin stream of blood flowing down his face he look downright murderous. He smiled. A bone chilling hostile smile which was enough for everyone in the room including sakusa know he fucked up. Before he could speak however , Meian being the ever so responsible captain, god bless him, interrupted," Atsumu why don't you go get your nose fixed and take a 5 minute break okay and sakusa please refrain from making such comments about your fellow teammates." At his words Atsumu seemed to calm down but in truth he was fighting an internal storm.

_You really really don't love me do ya omi Kun?_

"Actually I think in gonna call it a day. Omi omi is right I've been off my game so it be better if I just go home and reset." Atsumu somehow manages to get this out with a smile. He looks at coach foster for confirmation. "Well if you yourself can recognize you’re not doing well and think you'll do better with a nights rest then I have no complains. However I do expect you to be in top form tomorrow. Visit the nurse’s office on you your way out." Atsumu responds with a small nod careful not to move too much and spill the blood. Meian call the rest of the group to continue their practice and stop hoarding Atsumu.

Atsumu makes his way to the locker room and gets a wet wipe out of his bag and starts cleaning the blood. Some of the blood has trickled its way onto his black practice shirt. He makes a mental note to wash this shirt with extra care as its one of his comfiest shirts. He makes his way to one of the bathroom stalls to check the damage. To his relief the bleeding has already stopped. He washes his face with the cold water and closes his eyes, his hands gripping the edge of the sink so hard that his knuckles turned white. He tries to control his breathing.

_I just spaced out at practice this is bad. I can’t let my personal life affect my game on court. Shit. Even middle schoolers know better than that. Then again middle schoolers don’t have to worry whether their boyfriend is dating them out of convenience or not._

Atsumu was frustrated and let out an internal scream in the form of a grunt pass his lips.

"Are you okay?" The voice made Atsumu snap his eyes open and turn around.

There stood sakusa with a bandage and ointment in his hands. Atsumu did his best to compose himself before he answered, "yes omi Kun. I’m fine. Why? Were ya worried? So sweet of ya omi omi" Atsumu added a slight tease to his voice and perked his lips up into a smug smile to prevent omi from suspecting anything.

However luck was not on his side as sakusa instantly picked up his charade. "Stop with the bullshit Miya. What’s wrong? Does this have anything to do with last night? You still haven't replied to my texts"

Now Atsumu was confused. What texts? Was he so deep in his thoughts that he didn't realize that kiyoomi had texted him?

“‘m sorry must have had my phone on silent" he offered a sheepish smile.

Sakusa frowned. “You always reply to my texts immediately.’

_Yes I always do don't I? Drop everything just to text you back._

Sakusa continued, "You've been acting strange are you sure you’re okay. Maybe you should take up fosters offer and get the doctors to check you."

Atsumu was getting fed up.

Sakusa however wasn't finished, "Maybe you’ve caught some disease that only people who can’t take care of themselves can get or maybe you've lost a few more brain cells though I don’t know if that’s even possi-"

"Could ya shuddup"

.

.

.

.

The silence was deafening. Kiyoomi eyes widened before they narrowed down again zeroing on Atsumu who was just as shocked but tried not to show it.

"See this is exactly what I mean. You aren't taking care of yourself and getting other people all worried. Have you considered that we have a life too and can't worry about you all the time? The least you could do is fucking take care of yourself and not space out at practice like a-"

"Believe me omi Kun I am well aware that ya have other things to do with your life than care about me. So please go ahead. I don't remember asking you to follow me here ya did that on yer own accord."

"Well of course I did. I had to make sure you were alright!"

_Did ya now?_

"Omi omi I'm really and I mean really tired so can I please just go home."

Sakusa seemed to contemplate the decision in his mind. Finally he gave a nod but not without saying," I’m coming with you."

Atsumu, tired, hungry, and absolutely done with his boyfriends shit just agreed

* * *

The walk home was...awkward.

To say the walk back home was awkward was an understatement. The walk from their gym to the MSBY official dorms was only 15 minutes, yet to Atsumu it felt like an eternity. He would have gone back to his own apartment to bask and sulk in isolation but that was 30 minutes away on the opposite direction. Besides after the mini fiasco at the gym the team would probably worry about him so he decided it would be best to stay closer to them for now. Though he may be the teams certified arrogant asshole, he still cared deeply about his teammates and vice versa.

Speaking of teammates he cared so deeply about , the one walking beside him was quite. It was nerve racking. Sakusa was always quite during their walks home but today it was different. They always walked together since their homes were on the same path. He insisted on living alone due to obvious reason but he stays over the dorms when the team goes out together for team and stay over for movie nights.

Without realizing they had reached the dorms. Atsumu turn to sakusa and gives an awkward smile, "Thanks for walking me here omi Kun. You can go back to practice now."

"Go back?"

"Yeah, I mean there's still an hour left of practice."

"If you think I’m gonna leave you here like this you're wrong" Atsumu heart dared to skip a beat," I can’t have you messing up the dorms with all your germs. With the way you're going you'll probably end up contaminating the whole place."

Atsumu clenched his teeth but didn't say anything. Kiyoomi was always saying these kind of things but they never hurt this much before.

_Am I just being sensitive or am I just now realizing the truth of this so called relationship?_

Without a word they head up the apartment. The apartment was nice and spacious enough for a dozen pro athletes. They all have their individual rooms even though some of the members don’t use it as often. Meian for example lives with his family in a nice condo an hour away from the dorm. Adriah also lives at a small penthouse somewhere nearby. Bokuto Hinata Barnes and Inunaki are the ones who stay at the dorms all the time. Least to say it was usually chaos. Right now however, it was suffocating quiet.

Atsumu did his best to ignore the tension and headed towards his room which was near the end of the hallway. Sakusa's room was the one across it. Initially it hadn't been like that. Back when sakusa had just came and Atsumu wouldn't stop picking fights with him, it was decided that it was safer to keep them away at all times besides practice, thus their rooms being on opposite ends of the dorm. It didn't matter much anyway since sakusa would go back to his own apartment any way.

Atsumu reached the end of the hallway and was about to open his door when Sakusa piped up from behind him," what are you doing?"

"Going to my room??"

"No you’re not. I’m taking care of you. You’re staying with me." Sakusa stood there leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed. Atsumu really didn't want to do something he knows he will regret so he just nods his head no saying," ya don’t have to omi omi. Like ya said before ya have other things to do with your life rather than take care of me. So you can go. Besides I haven’t even taken a shower yet. Trust me. Ya don’t want me in your room in this state."

_Ya don’t even want me in life and for good reason so._

Before sakusa could protest Atsumu gave him a half smile and walked into his room closing the door. He threw his gym bag on the floor next to his closet and picked a change of clothes and headed to the bathroom.

The shower was calming. The ice cold water pouring down him was soothing his nerves and reviving him. He felt fresh and more energized. He stood there under the water and let it wash over him and all his worries. For a moment he forgot all his worries and relaxed. Then Two warm hands made their way around his abdomen causing him to flinch.

"O-omi kun?"

Kiyoomi didn't reply instead he wrapped his arms tighter around his body, pulling him close to his chest with his head resting on Atsumu's shoulder and placing small butterfly kisses. Atsumu couldn't help but shiver.

_When did he get in??_

They both stayed quite for a while letting the water pour over their bodies. The water which was cold before now felt too hot. sufffocatingly so. Kiyoomi arms around him were hot and scalding him. Atsumu felt like he couldn't breathe. The calm atmosphere from before completely evaporated now.

"What’s wrong?"

_You._

"What's the matter?"

_Us._

"Tell me"

_I can’t._

"Atsumu....."

Atsumu didn't know what to think. With omi so closely pressed to his body he could feel every muscle and every curve on his chest splayed against his back. His warm breath on his shoulder was distracting and the arms holding him with a vice like grip made it impossible for him to think of a suitable lie. So he told the truth.

"I had a bad fight with samu yesterday. It got out of hand and....well it wasn't pretty." Atsumu thanked himself for being evasive enough to come up with a lie on spot.

_Not a lie but not exactly the truth. But that's all you’re getting from me for now omi Kun._

Sakusa didn't respond for a while. Having siblings way older than him didn't make him an exactly good judge on how normal sibling dynamics work, much less twin bonds.

"I’m pretty sure you did something to provoke him. Osamu san doesn't get seem like the type to get mad over anything and he's usually quite composed. People don’t call him the better twin over nothing." Sakusa snorted, "You should probably own up and apologize."

.

.

.

The water pouring down their heads now seemed to suddenly get colder. The tension was palpable. Atsumu was not having it.

"I'm done."

"....what?"

"Showering. I’m done. I’m gonna leave first you go ahead and finish up." Atsumu got himself out of kiyoomi's grip and grabbed a towel from the towel rack and wrapped it around his torso while grabbing another one for his hair. With that He exited the bathroom.

Once in his room he hastily put on a pair of sweats and hoodie. Later he would go for a run to clear his mind. Yes. A run sounds nice. He flopped on the bed and turned on his phone. A few notifications from samu were enough to tell him they were fine now. He tried to not let omits twin comment get to him but he couldn't' help it.

**From: samu**

What was yer annoying ass doing up so late at 3 am?

**From: samu**

Don tell me that I hurt yer feelings so much that ya couldn't sleep all night

**From: samu**

Also you owe me onigiris. Buy me sum when ya visit me this weekend.

**To: samu**

Stfu ya fat ass. Yer gonna get fat if ya keep eating and don’t work out

**To: samu**

Also I need help

**From: samu**

First of all get fucked. Second of all I do work out. And lastly what the fuck did ya do now?

**To: samu**

I didnt fuck up anything. At least not yet.

**To: samu**

....Its abt omi.

**From: samu**

What'd he do? Do I need to murder him?

**From: samu**

If ya want I can ask suna for help he'll gladly help me hide the body.

**To: samu**

Can we try not to murder my boyfriend I’m still very much in love with him?

**From: samu**

Then what’s the problem?

Atsumu didnt know how to answer that. There is no problem to be specific. There's nothing wrong but there's nothing right either. He and Omi are the same people they were before they were together. No. Atsumu changed. Atsumu became a lot more responsible and reactive to what he does when kiyoomis around just to make sure he felt safe. He did his best to make omi feel secure .He let omi confide in him about his deepest paranoia's and fears. He taught omi how to be comfortable in being vulnerable and provided a safe space for him.

_Have you ever tried to be someone like that for me omi Kun? Have you ever wanted to?_

Atsumu felt trapped. Like he couldn't be himself. His real self. Not the one people think he is from magazines, not the one players think he is from his attitude on court but the real him. The him behind all his facade . The him who had made all these walls, all these pretenses just so no one would get close enough. Because Up close he knew was ugly. He was a mess. An emotional train wreck fueled by desire and determination. He had learned early on to keep people at bay.

He recalls his middle school days, when no one in the volleyball team liked him for his personality. He remembered saying he doesn’t care but it wasn't true. Now maybe it is. He didn't and doesn't want to set for players who wouldn't give their 100% when he's trying his hardest. He didn't want to play with people who half ass it much rather associate with them. If he was an asshole for that then an asshole he is. He doesn't want to waste his time on people who don't reciprocate with him.

_Funny how I'm the one stuck in a one sided relationship like that. Ironic ain't it?_

He remembers making his attitude worse. Snarky comments, mean glares, offhand smirks, he remembers doing it all just so people wouldn't come near him. The people who stayed away from him hated him yet admired from afar. While the people who could tolerate that sewage personality of his were the real ones. The only people he needed. The only people who could understand him. That list however wasn't very long.

_Show people your worst at first sight and let them decide if they wanna deal with you or nah and leave the best of you for those who stay till the end because they are the ones who'll cherish you and accept you for the flawed perfection you are. I know what I am and that is a hurricane. I swipe up and destroy everything in my way. I am resilient and don’t let things hold me back and rage hell and violent storms towards those in my path. Yet some people make it to my center. Only some make it to the eye of the storm. What they see isn't pretty. They stand in the center and see right through me, through all of my chaos, through all my flaws they see me wage up a storm, churning ruins in my violent winds. They see the beauty that is my chaos. Omi Kun is not one of those people. He's still struggling to get past my heavy winds. Maybe he's not even trying. Either ways, Omi omi is not someone who knows me. He isn't anywhere close to my center and people who aren't someone in my life ...... are just a **Nobody.**_

Atsumu’s phone buzzing brings him back to reality.

**From: Samu**

Where did ya go?

**From: Samu**

Answer you phone you fucker

**From: Samu**

Is it him?

Did he do something?

**From: Samu**

FUCKING ANSWER YOU ASS

**To: Samu**

I don't know what to do

**From: Samu**

......What do you mean?

**To: Samu**

I'm just tired.

Tired with the way our relationships going.

I feel like someone just snapped me out of my daze and fer the first time I'm seeing our relationship for what it truly is.

Atsumu didn't want to type the next words. The moment he acknowledged it, it would become his reality. He wanted to stay blissfully unaware for as long as he could. But before he could even process his thoughts properly Samu spelled it out for him.

**From: Samu**

Sakusa and yer whole relationship is Toxic. Break up with him.

Atsumu laughed out loud at that. Toxic and Sakusa aren't two words you use in the same sentence. Thinking of the germaphobic man being associated with the anything 'toxic' was mildly amusing.

_Toxic huh? Ya sure are quite the hypocrite omi Kun._

**To; samu**

I can’t. I'm willing to fix whatever is wrong with our relationship.

I love him

**From: samu**

Does he?

For a few beats Atsumu couldn't answer. He had been asking himself this same question for the past few days. He thought back to all the doubts he's ever had their relationship. He always wondered where he went wrong. He never even thought of sakusa being in the wrong.

**From: Samu**

I’ve seen you bend backwards for him and do things yer bitchass wouldn't ever do. I've seen you put in the same effort into yer relationship that you only put into Volleyball and stealing my pudding cups. Sorry to say but I don't think I've ever seen him do shit like that for ya. I thought he was the discreet kind of lover and showed ya love when ya were alone or somethin but if he's not even doing that and is making you question yourself and everything then you should break up with him.

**To: Samu**

But I wanna fix it I don't just wanna break up and run away. Besides we're teammates.

**From: Samu**

Exactly why you should break up with him. If ya don't do it now and put it off till later yer relationship will only sour more and the team will also be affected. If he wants ya back he'll try but ya don't have to suffer any more so end it.

**To: Samu**

That’s what I’m afraid of. What if he doesn't want me back? What if all my doubts come true? What then?

**From: Samu**

Then ya move on. You know better than holding on to the past,

**To: Samu**

Thanks fer yer advice I guess.

**From: Samu**

Buy me onigiris this weekend if yer so thankful

**To: Samu**

Ya literally own a fuckin onigiris restaurant franchise ya bastard

**From: samu**

And?

Doesn’t mean I'm gonna refuse a treat from my so called older brother :)

Seen.

Atsumu let out a small sigh at his brother’s antics.

"Who were you texting?"

Atsumu jumped. sakusa was standing in front of the bathroom door with nothing but a towel around his waist. Atsumu couldn't help but gulp.

"Samu" he kept his replies short. He had a tendency of spilling all his thoughts when Kiyoomi was around. Right now would be a bad time for this considering just how much a mess his thoughts were.

Sakusa faltered for just a momement then nodded and headed towards the closet and picked one of Atsumu's black tee with a pair of matching shorts and changed. Over the months they had gotten comfortable with sharing each other’s clothes since their physique was quite similar. Atsumu couldn't bother hiding the sigh which left his mouth and rested his head against the headboard.

_I totally forgot omi was still here. Then again he does take a while to shower so it just slipped my mind. Still. What the fuck do I do now? I just can’t break up with out of nowhere._

A sudden soft warmth on his forehead jolted Atsumu out of his thoughts. He opened his eyes to see Kiyoomi right in front of him with a worried face. He moved to get on the bed and sit in front of Atsumu. For a while they just stayed in silence. Atsumu hated to admit it but the kiss did make him feel a bit better.

_Yer so selfish omi omi. Just when I decide I wanna call quits ya come and do things like that. How am I supposed_ _to leave if ya do stuff like that? Samu was right. This is toxic._

Atsumu let out a small chuckle, a bitter and sorry cry for help. Kiyoomi looked at him in question. Before he could ask anything, though. Atsumu interrupted.

"I'm gonna sleep. Ya should have diner and go to bed too omi." Atsumu needed time to gather his thoughts and he couldn't do that with Kiyoomi staring into his soul.

'I'm staying here."

'yer doin what now???" Atsumu was completely baffled. Maybe Sakusa had also gone crazy like him.

Sakusa however, didn't bother replying and casually laid down on the other side of the bed. He turned the night lamp of and tugged on atsumu's sleeves .Atsumu apparently didn't get the hint. To say he was confused would be an understatement. Sakusa heaved out a sigh and pulled at Atsumu sleeves harder and the latter landed on his chest. Atsumu stilled completely while sakusa got comfortable . He wrapped his arms on his shoulders and back, resting his chin on Atsumu's head.

"O-Omi Omi?"

Sakusa didn't answer but did tighten his arms around Atsumu. Atsumu's mind went blank. The heat radiating from Kiyoomi's body, the feeling of his arms around his body and the faint sound of his heart beating through his chest made him feel all warm and mushy.

_Ya really aren't leaving me with much of a choice are ya omi Kun?_

Atsumu decided that the breaking up would have to wait. He would think his decision over lunch with Samu in the weekend. He knows he shouldn't put it off but he doesn't want to lose sleep over this. So for now he would just bask in kiyoomi's warmth and sleep.

* * *


	2. Suffocate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where in Atsumu ponder over his decision about breaking up with his boyfriend and after lunch with Osamu he finally decides to end his toxic relationship with Sakusa.
> 
> "There doesn't have to be a specific problem for you to end your relationship. If it feels wrong then it is what it is."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst.
> 
> Bring a bucket an a mop for these wet ass eyes shedding tears all over the floor.

Atsumu woke up with a start. His breathing heavy. Face sweating and flushed. He felt like he was being suffocated.

 _Oh. That's why_.

He felt warm arms wrapped around him securely. He looked up with what little movement his current position allowed and stared at the resting face of his lover. In the dim light of the room Sakusa's face looked beautiful. His pale face stood out in contrast to his dark hair and made him look hauntingly ethereal. If Atsumu wasn't suffocating before, his breath was totally taken away now by the man holding him in his arms tightly as if he might slip away if he loosened his grip. 

_I actually might._

All so suddenly his thoughts from last night come crashing back to him. He doesn't want to remember.He doesn't want to think. He doesn't think he can bear it. He wants to stay in Kiyoomi's arms comfortably and stare longingly at his face. He wants to move the little curls obscuring his eyes away with his calloused fingers. He wants to kiss all the little moles on his face lovingly. He wants to hold him tighter. _**All he wants is to love him ~~and to be loved in return.~~**_

_Even when yer asleep ya have such a strong hold on me omi._

He thinks how laughable the situation is. Kiyoomi is fast asleep yet he refuses to let go of his hold while Atsumu lies awake staring at him longingly, slowly suffocating in their tight embrace.

_Just like our relationship._

yes. just like their relationship. Kiyoomi has a strong hold over Atsumu and his emotions making him unable to leave the relationship and leaving him to suffer while Sakusa is blissfully unaware. He isn't sure kiyoomi knows just how much power he has over him. He hopes he doesn't because it's way too unfair for a person to have that kind of control over anyone. Atsumu shifts slightly to see if sakusa is aware of his surroundings or not. Sakusa in return tightens his grip. Atsumu breath gets stuck in his throat. He thinks how much of a metaphor their current position is to their relationship. Sakusa holding onto him tight blindly while Atsumu slowly suffocates.

_Ya really aren't gonna let me out of yer clutches are ya omi Kun? Tsk How selfish._

Atsumu slowly weasels his way out of his grip. He takes his pillow and places it in between Sakusa's arms. He's hoping his scent on the pillow will keep him occupied and wont stir him up from his peaceful slumber. Atsumu watches as sakusa nuzzles into the pillow and holds it tightly. Before he would have been jealous and whined that a pillow gets more affection than he does. Now, however, he feels awfully.....relieved. He looks around the room as he stretches his arms over his head His eyes stop over the window and he notices that it's still dark outside. A glance over his alarm clock confirmed his conclusions of it still being early. The digital screen read 5:47 AM.

_Well I did fall asleep early yesterday so it makes sense I woke up at the ass crack of dawn._

Being a professional athlete he was used to waking up early for training but that didn't mean he necessarily liked it. Morning were never good for him ever since he came to Osaka. The first few nights had been terrible. Some mornings when he would wake up without Samu below him in his bunk bed had hurt him in such inexplicable ways leaving him unable to fall sleep after. He would wake up with awful bed hair and puffy eyes. Over the years however he got accustomed to morning runs and walks in the neighborhood park a few ways away. Morning walks and jogs cleared his mind and helped him prepare mentally for the day. He headed to the bathroom to freshen up. Upon entering the bathroom he examined his face. His nose was doing much better though it was still a little red. The bags under his eyes weren't as prominent today but they hadn't completely vanished overnight to Atsumu's dismay. As he brushed his teeth he wondered if the rest of the team were all asleep or not. Adriah had a habit of waking up early too, for what reasons he doesn't know. Meian also woke up early and usually made breakfast for them when he stayed over at the dorms claiming that a home cooked meal is good for your soul. He's a good enough cook so no one complained and dutifully ate what he made.

_Not as good as Samu tho_

Thinking of samu reminded him of lunch tomorrow. The lunch where Atsumu would finally decide whether or not his relationship with Sakusa was worth it or not. To Atsumu it was but when he thought about the big picture he realized it might not be as valuable as he thought it was. They were both teammates. They both worked hard to come to where they are and volleyball is absolutely their first priority. It would be a shame and rather pathetic to let everything they worked hard for since they were teenagers to wash down the drain over a failed relationship. Still Atsumu wanted to salvage whatever he could.

_If I do break up with him I need to make sure we end on civil terms. Though I'm quite sure omi wont wake a big deal out of it or anything, it’s better to be more careful. I can’t have the team suffer becuz of us. They don't deserve that._

With those happy thoughts Atsumu exited the bathroom. His eyes stopped at sakusa who was still holding onto the pillow with dear life. He looked so peaceful. Atsumu let out a small chuckle.

_This is what our relationship must look like to samu. Sakusa holding on tight think he's holdin me while in reality all in his arms is an empty vessel resembling me. Sakusa's too oblivious to notice it or maybe he is too blinded to see it. How I'm not me anymore. How I'm just an empty shell of a man. How this relationship has suffocated me._

_But it’s okay. By the time he wakes up and realizes it's not me in his arms........ I'll be long gone._

With one last look at his lover/teammate? Atsumu leaves the room.

* * *

He exits the apartment and is met with bright sunlight hitting his eyes. The sun is rising now and through the midst of the high rise buildings it’s peeking at Atsumu. Atsumu recalls how beautiful sunrises used to be in back in Hyogo. He feels a bit nostalgic. He pushes these thoughts out of his mind and heads to the park.

In the wake of daybreak the park is mostly empty save for a few early risers like Atsumu and a few social workers. Atsumu is relishing the peace and quiet. He jogs over to near the river as it’s his favorite spot.

He runs a few laps and feels refreshed. All his fatigue is washed away and he feels energized. At the same time he feels like a coward.

_Talk about running away from my problems. But it's fine. I'm allowed to run away sometimes right?_

On the walk back to the apartment he buys an energy drink and goes to a small neighborhood cafe . He purchases a dozen fresh strawberry bagels for himself and the team . He still feels guilty about yesterday and food and quality sets is the only way to make up to them because no way in hell is he apologizing.

Upon entering the apartment his nostrils are filled with the delicious smell of food. Once in the apartment kitchen he notices Meian whipping up food on the stove while Adriah is on his phone with a glass of coffee on the table. Adriah notices him first and grumbles out a good morning. Meian turn's from his place at the stove and offers him a warm smile." I see your nose is looking much better this morning". Adriah snickers at that and is about to comment but is distracted by the bag of bagels dangling in his hand.

“Awww You bought us bagels??"

"Yeah well I just thought it'd be nice to have bagels for breakfast and I couldn't just bring some for me alone so I decided to buy some fer ya pigs too " Atsumu shrugged pretty sure that Adriah saw through his white lie but the latter much was too excited by the prospect of having bagels for breakfast. Meian gave a disapproving nod.

"And here I was making you all grilled fish, rice and Miso soup and you just waltz in here with your fancy bagels. The audacity." Meian has a small pout on his face as he says it which makes the other two males laugh.

"Its okay captain we'll have the bagels as dessert or sumthing if ya want. You know we'll have anything and everything if given the chance. But first a shower." Atsumu was Famished considering he fell asleep without eating dinner but he needed a shower considering he was sweating quite a lot after his time spent running away from his problems

Adriah scrunches his nose and replies," Well I _was_ trying not to be mean since you bought us bagels but you really do need a shower"

Meian laughs at that while Atsumu is the one who pouts this time.

“Are any of the nicer members up yet? Shouyou kun and Bokkun still asleep?"

"Yes they are and let’s try to keep it like that for as long as possible." Atsumu lets out a small chuckle but nods at his captains words. As long as they both are asleep the better. It’s still way too early to deal with them and practice isn't for another 2 hour or so.

Atsumu's mood is considerably better after the mini interaction with his teammates. He head toward the hallway and enters the room in the end. When he enters his room his heart almost combusts on spot.

_Shit I totally forgot he was here. I need to stop doing that._

Sakusa is in bed sleeping like a log. The pillow still in his arms. Atsumu lets a small sigh escape him. Sakusa was a heavy sleeper though he may not look like it. The man absolutely despised mornings. He had said once," What’s the point of waking up when I'm just going to have to spend the whole day staying away from people and making sure their germs don't affect me and having to wipe every surface in a 2 mile radius because people just don't know how to fucking clean after themselves." Atsumu had laughed at the time and let him sleep in just for his adorable? rant. Now he has to force his mind and eyes to stop obsessing over Omi's cute features. With yet another sigh he heads to the closet and gets a change of clothes and heads on to the bathroom.

He showers rather quickly as Meian's mini rant about food had made him hungry. He exits the shower wiping his damp hair and stops mid action.

Sakusa is there, sitting up on bed, rubbing his eyes and pouting like it’s the end of the fucking world. He grumbles out something Atsumu can't catch.

"Omi kun I have no idea what ya just said"

".... When did you leave?" Sakusa looks so disgruntled and his bed hair is so bad that Atsumu's heart almost gives up on him for the second time that day.

 _The fuck he's gotta be so cute for? This ain't fair_.

"I went for a run. I'm heading fer breakfast now . how about ya go wash up and join us hmm?" 

Sakusa doesn't reply just vaguely bobs his head. He looks like he might pass out any moment. Atsumu bites back a smile, “Ya know it’s only 6 40 sumthing and we don't have practice till 8. Ya can sleep more if ya want." Sakusa replies by letting his body collapse back on the bed. For a second Atsumu freaks out thinking he actually passed out but he remembers that omi has always had a knack for falling asleep in a second. Once he's sure the place he is sleeping in is completely sanitary and safe he'll sleep like the dead. Atsumu walks to the bedside table and sets an alarm to make sure he wakes up on time or he'll freak out if he can’t do his morning routine before practice. With that done he heads out of the room for food.

In the kitchen there was considerably more noise now than before because Hinata and Inunaki were up. Bokuto and Barnes were still nowhere to be seen so he concluded that they were also sleeping in a bit late. Inunaki and Adriah were fighting over a supposed “more nice looking bagel while Hinata was quietly biting into his bagel slowly like he was savoring every bite. From the side Meian was berating them with no success. Hinata looked up at Atsumu with the shiniest eyes and the brightest smile," You bought us bagels. How did you know I was feeling like eating something sweet today?" 

Atsumu had no idea what Hinata was talking about but he remembered he had once told him that people in Brazil usually have fresh fruit and stuff like that for breakfast , so him bringing strawberry bagels must have been like a proof of god's existence for the tangerine or something. “I actually had no idea what ya wanted Shouyou Kun but I'm glad to please ya I guess."

Meian turned to him with a menacing glare," _**You**_. What made you think bringing sugary treats for _these_ people, while I was already cooking a meal for them, was a good idea?"

"W-woah what? WHY THE HELL AM I GETTIN BLAMED??"

"Well are you implying _I_ am the one to be blamed?" Meian's tone sent shiver down his spine which was only someone his mother and his former captain/lover Kita Shinsuke was able to do.

Before he could say anything a warm hand on his shoulder and a carefree voice interrupted him," You guys are sure lively this morning. But how about we save all this energy for practice instead?" At Barnes saying so the fire left Meian's eyes. Though Meian was captain, Barnes was older than him and had more experience so he respected him a lot. Everyone in the team did. Not only that but Barnes carefree attitude and friendly smile made it hard for anyone to genuinely hate on him. Barnes was definitely one of the first people Atsumu bonded with in team before the others came. He was quite awkward adjusting to the life of a pro athlete after just having left high school and Barnes had helped him. Atsumu had a small, almost invisible, special spot for his senior . Extra tosses for him during practice, bringing him coffee in the morning claiming he accidentally ordered two and other small things which would be hard for outsider to see. The latter, however, noticed these small thing and made up with smaller things himself. Barnes stood up for him at times like this often, made sure to do justice to his tosses, often stocking the fridge in the dorms with fatty tuna for him to eat when he stayed over and sometimes was almost like an older brother to him. Outside of the other three from the monster generation Barnes was without doubt the member he was closest to.

With everything calmer than before they take a seat at the table. Atsumu makes sure to take extra portion of rice and fish to which Meian gives a curt nod to. Now, finally at peace he can eat his food. He raises his chopsticks to take a bite but he is interrupted (again).

"HEY HEY HEY guys. Good mornin- ARE THOSE BAGELS??"

_Ya gotta be kidding me_

At Bokuto's not so subtle mention of bagels Meian turns to Atsumu again which almost makes him choke on his saliva. Hinata on the other hand is still overjoyed and replies to Bokuto using the same level of enthusiasm," Yeah Atsumu san bought them. Cool right??" Atsumu has no idea why or how they have the energy to talk so animatedly at this hour of the day or any other hour for that matter. He lets out yet another sigh at his teammates early morning shenanigans .Hinata eating like he hadn't ate for days. Adriah and Inunaki doing their weird flirting thing. Bokuto going on about how he is so happy that he would hit all of the tosses that Atsumu sent his way with such care and precision that he would only want to set to him. To this a tired Meian replied," So were you planning on half assing your spikes before this?” This effectively shut the man down. After that Atsumu finally thought he can eat in peace so he picked his chopsticks up once more.

"What's all this?"

_Oh for fucks sake._

“Sakusan look!! Tsum tsum bought bagels" Bokuto exclaimed with strawberry filling covering the sides of his mouth to which Sakusa visibly cringed.

"I'm regretting that decision now" Atsumu says now completely fed up with bothering to eat and deciding to starve instead.

Sakusa apparently had the same idea as well as he just shook his head and walked out to the living room. Atsumu got up and took his food and got a serving for omi and even got some umeboshi and headed to the living room. Sakusa was sitting on the couch scrolling through his phone. When he noticed Atsumu walk in his eye sparkled at the umeboshi sitting atop his rice. Without a word they both settled into the couch and digged into their food. They ate in quiet silence. None of them were the type to talk while eating. Sakusa being quiet in general and Atsumu who might not be the most polite person on earth but had proper manners at least. This was quite routine for them but for some reason Atsumu felt sick in the stomach. It was either because he hadn't eaten in the past 9 hours besides a small energy drink and his stomach was upset with him or because he was uncomfortable as hell. He opened his mouth to say something but to his luck he choked on a few grains of rice. Kiyoomi widened his eyes and hit him in the back. After his coughing subsided he handed him a glass of water.

"Can you learn how to chew properly like a human being please?"

"Jeez omi Kun it’s not like I was planning on it"

"That’s not what I-"

"Tsk whatever" Atsumu stuffs his mouth to prevent any further conversation. Sakusa also reluctantly settles back and continues eating.

* * *

Morning practice was better today. After a lot of teasing about his "little boo boo on his wittle nose" he was determined to play his best today, not that he wasn't before. Not only that but Coach Foster had also promised him a world of hurt if he got distracted today. All in all Atsumu was ready to bring his best game on court.

The fact that he was frustrated didn't affect his play today. He channeled his emotions into his plays. He added more force into every serve, more precision into every set and poured all his emotions out on court. He played exceptionally well today. So by the time lunch came around and the team suggested to go out for lunch rather than eat at the cafeteria, Atsumu was all smiles and cheerfully nodded along. Bokuto and Adriah were already having a heated debate about whether to have meat or ramen and they weren't even out of the locker room yet. Instead of being annoyed Atsumu felt refreshed at his teammate’s horseplay. It was nice change to see someone else struggling with making important life decisions and being amusing while being at it and awakening his inner sadist. The reason he was calling this an important life decision is because Bokuto would castrate him for even suggesting that meat isn't an important part of life. Which Meian was about to find out.

"Bokuto Adriah it doesn't matter what we eat as long as we can eat so can you both just hurry up and pick a place. It seriously can’t be as hard as you're making it out to be."

Both men turned to him with the most offended faces as if Meian had just insulted their whole ancestry. Bokuto looked like he was about to throw a tantrum and refuse to take part in team activities but as he had claimed and proved- He was a changed person from his high school days. So he settled for something less dramatic-A rant about meat.

"How could you even say that captain? DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW IMPORTANT MEAT IS? ESPECIALLY TO US ATHLETES. PROTEIN IS VITAL. DO YOU THINK THIS FAT ASS AND ALL OF THESE MUSCLES CAME TO LIFE BY HAVING SALAD AND NOODLES AND-"

Meian raised his hands in defeat “I can’t with you kids and your eating habits. Fine fine. Meat it is then"

At his word Bokuto lit up and Adriah just sighed. From across the room Hinata and Atsumu made eye contact and ended up bursting in laughter. Barnes was also smiling while Inunaki was patting Adriah's back and making promises of buying him ramen for dinner after practice.

_They're cute._

Inunaki and Adriah were very clearly into each other. They look like they've been dating for years and their bond on court is also that strong. Atsumu remember when he first joined MSBY he thought they were dating. Turns out they're just two pining idiots. Speaking of being a Pining idiot Atsumu turns to Sakusa who was quietly getting changed in the corner trying to avoid the teams antics. Sakusa turn and their eyes lock. For a while everything stops. It’s just them here. Everything else fades away. Then Sakusa looks away and everything resumes. The loud chattering of Bokuto and Hinata, the disapproving glares of Meian and the futile attempts of cheering made by Barnes and Inunaki and Adriah’s blatant flirting come back into focus. Atsumu feels blank. Unsure. He hates feeling unsure. With a sigh he turns his attention to the team.

_What’s goin' on in that pretty little head of yours omi omi?_

Atsumu battles another sigh from escaping his mouth. Hinata turns to him with a look as if he was contemplating whether to give him a hug or advice. He open his mouth to say something but is interrupted (which seems to be a pattern now)

"Sakusan Are you coming too? We’re getting meat!!"

Sakusa turns to them with a bored expression," I'm going to my apartment."

"Wait what? Whyyy" Bokuto pouts in hopes of convincing him but in all honesty his pouts only ever work on Akaashi Keiji, the poor unfortunate soul dating him since their high school years.

"I stayed over at the dorms last night and haven't been home. Besides I don't feel like having food out." his whole face scrunches up in disdain.

'Oh well. Tsum tsum are you also going with him then?" Bokuto questions.

Atsumu scrutinizes the expression on his face and concludes that he probably wants his space. With a smile he turns to Bokuto," Nah. I'm goin' with you guys. Omi can take care of himself just fine. Don't miss me too much tho." 

Sakusa stares for a while before rolling his eyes and taking his leave. Meian and Barnes ask him if he won’t go and he just gives them a short response before leaving. Once he leaves Atsumu lets out another sigh. What he doesn't notice is Hinata staring at him intensely. With the place now decided the team heads out. Lunch is pretty uneventful. Well that's if you count Bokuto almost making a poor waitress cry over the meat not being charred enough uneventful. But overall it was a nice distraction. Atsumu was sitting in front of Bokuto with Hinata by his side. While Bokuto and Inunaki were fighting over something out of their reach of understanding, Hinata turned to him.

"Whats up with you and omi san?"

" What'dya mean Shouyou Kun?"

"umm...There was this weird tension between you both earlier and when you thought he couldn't see you, your eyes got all dark and.... sad ."

Atsumu's eyes widened at Hinata's statement. He thought he was doing a good job at concealing his feelings but if Hinata had noticed something he must not be doing as good of a job as he thought he was. And was it true? Did his eyes get sad when he thought omi wasn't looking? well probably.

"Shouyou Kun there's nothing wrong. Ya must have been imagin' it."

"Eh? Oh yeah I might be. But its just that... you've been so distracted lately and om- well omi san is still indifferent but I was just worried about you." Hinata looked away feeling uncomfortable for prying. Atsumu would have snapped at any other person and told them to mind their own business but looking at his teammates worried face he couldn't muster up any anger. Well its not like anyone could be mad at Hinata Shouyou for anything , well except for his boyfriend Kageyama. Atsumu couldn't be mad at him. Not for this. After all he had good reason to be worried for. Atsumu had been acting off and it had affected his play. Any teammate would be in the right for worrying. He couldn't help but let out a sigh at his situation. What should he even tell him?

"Hey tsumu tsum you okay? You've been sighing a lot lately" Bokuto who was now done fighting with Inunaki turned his attention to them.

_Shit. Even he noticed. Kill me now please._

" 'm fine Bokkun. Just tired"

Inunaki turns and asks him something that stops his world from spinning in its tracks. "Tired _of_ what?"

**_What is he tired of exactly?_ **

Its not like he's tired of volleyball. No. That could never happen.

**_Is he tired of Sakusa?_ **

Nope. not that either. He's still as fascinated and in love with him as their first day.

_**Then what exactly is he tired of?** _

_Our relationship._

"Earth to Atsumu? You okay there buddy?" Inunaki looks a bit worried now while Hinata looks at him guiltily like he was the cause of it or something.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine Inu san" He flashes them a smile in hopes of fooling them but he apparently doesn't need to do that because Meian is already calling them to head back for evening practice.

Atsumu tried to keep his good streak from the morning now. He really did. But for some reason *cough* Sakusa Kiyoomi *cough* he couldn't focus. From the corner of his eyes he could feel Sakusa glaring at him. This wasn't something out of the usual they were used to teasing each other and trying to one up each other at practice. Throwing glares at each others was quite normal but today he felt something murderous behind his glares. Admittedly it was enough to throw him off his game. not by a lot though. Just a couple of missed serves and a few botched sets. But that was enough to put him in a bad mood. Thankfully, however, before his mood could sour any more practice ended. He headed to the locker room and packed his bags. Usually he would wait for Omi to finish showering then they would walk home together but today he just convinced the team he would take a shower at home since he has something to do. He left the building and walked home to his own apartment.

Once in his apartment he went and took a shower since he was still sweaty and while he might not be a clean freak he still valued personal hygiene.Once out of the shower he mad himself some dinner. He may not be as good of a cook as his brother he was still pretty decent. He remembers how they would both always try to one up each other and have a cook off which would usually lead to their mother reprimanding them from the kitchen for creating a huge mess. Thanks to those little competitions he could save money on food by making a home cooked meal instead of ordering takeout everyday. As he ate he responded to a few texts from his brother and some from His mother. He finished eating the washed his plates and headed to bed. Before that he left a message for Sakusa.

**To: omi kun**

I'm sorry fer leaving early I had something to do.

**To : Omi kun**

Also i have lunch with Samu tomorrow so I don't think I'll be able to spend this weekend with ya. I'll probably spend Sunday with a hangover or smth.

_seen._

* * *

Atsumu wakes up the next morning nervous. Its not like he's nervous about meeting his brother he's just worried about what's going o happen at this meeting. He lounges around the whole morning trying to keep himself distracted. He checks his phone to see if Sakusa had responded but the receipts still showed _seen_ .This only made his further nervous. Finally at around 1:30 PM he goes to take a shower and dresses up in a simple grey T shirt with jeans and a black jacket. He heads out of his apartment and gets on his designated Uber. He could have driven since the place wasn't that far but since there was a possibility of him getting drunk out of his mind he thought it'd be safer and easier to just Uber.

The restaurant they chose for today was a simple and small one in the shopping district. Osamu had mentioned that he had researched online and found one dish at this place he wanted to try a lot, At around this time it would be mostly empty so they could talk alone in peace without anyone interrupting them. walking into the restaurant Atsumu scanned the place for his brother. He walked to a table near the back in a secluded corner. He was about to take a seat but one look at who was in the table with Samu and he was ready to walk out.

"Hey tsumu-WAIT WHERE ARE YA GOIN?" 

"why the hell is he here" Atsumu pointed his finger at Suna who was calmly sitting on the inside corner. Atsumu didn't mind seeing Suna but now was not the time. He din't feel like having his brothers perfect relationship with the middle blocker be flaunted in front of him while he was going through relationship struggles. Not only that but he had wanted to talk to Samu alone. He loved both of them a lot but he couldn't help the jealousy building up.

Suna rose up from his seat and looked at Atsumu with his usual dead stare. " Samu was worried about you and from what I heard you looked like you can use the extra help. So calm yourself and sit your ass down now. I didn't come all this way to 'console' you only for you to walk away"

"Still Samu ya should have at least told me" He couldn't help but pout . Stupid Suna and his stupid sound logic. Suna's mouth quirked up in a teasing smile.

" Why? would you have dressed up for me if you knew I was coming" this makes them both laugh. A bit begrudgingly he hugs his brother and friend. They all take a seat at the table and wait for the waiter to come and take their orders. After that's done its quiet again. No one is sure how to break the ice. Well except for Suna. Suna is apparently having none of the twins shit today so he just cuts to the chase. 

"Whats the problem with your relationship" At his bluntness Atsumu almost chokes on his drink. He composes himself. Tries to.

"I-I'm not sure to be honest"

Osamu pipes up," what'dya mean yer not sure?"

"I mean that.....there isn't......Nothings wrong." He concludes.

"But nothings right either is it?" At Suna's words both twins snap their gaze at him. Suna continues,"There's nothing wrong but you're still feeling like something is missing. Is that it?"

Atsumu cant say anything so he just nods. Samu looks at his brother for a while," Have ya tried talking to him or have ya just been sulking in a lone corner like a moron?"

"I'm not sure how to."

"What the hell's that supposed to mean? He's yer boyfriend right? Talk to him. " 

"That's the thing. I can't. Omi kun's not the type to be overly touchy feely and open like that"

" So what? Ya just struggle alone all the time? What the actual hell. YER SUPPOSED TO BE ABLE TO HAVE BASIC COMMUNICATION WITH YER BOYFRIEND. THAT'S THE BARE FUCKIN' MINIMUM IN A RELATIONSHIP." Suna grabbed Osamu by the arm to stop him from drawing the attention of the few other people in the restaurant, but Osamu was too mad. He barely lost his cool so he was pretty scary when he was mad. He was mad at himself for not knowing just how much his brother was hurting. He was mad that he couldn't be there when all of this was happening. He was mad at Sakusa for hurting his brother so much. No. Not mad . He was furious. Still when he spoke again, he spoke in a calmer tone as to not scare his brother. Atsumu was hurting right now and yelling at him wasn't gonna do anything. Also Suna's hands rubbing his arms helped him calm down.

"Is this how he's been treating ya all this time? And to think that I made that DISGUSTIN' BASTARD ONIGIRI'S WITH MY OWN TWO HANDS......the audacity on him tsk."

Atsumu laughed at that," Everything's about onigiri's to ya isn't it? I swear the world could be collapsin' and ya'd still be blaberin' on about them."

Osamu just huffed and turned his gaze away. He was now also mad at his brother for not taking this seriously and acting like everything was okay when it clearly fucking wasn't.

"Aside from him having major communication issues and boundary issues what else is wrong?"

"Hey come on now. I think yer bein' a bit too harsh on Omi. Yes he has some issues but its not like I'm the most perfect person in the world."

"Yeah well that's fuckin' obvious" Osamu grumbled out still mad. Suna rolled his eyes at their behaviour. Atsumu continued.

"Besides he's quite open actually when he wants to be ya know? He's told me things about him that he hasn't felt comfortable sharing with anyone else. Not even komori Kun."

"So he can tell you stuff like that but ya cant even talk to him about your basic concerns?" Osamu deadpanned.

"w-what? when ya say it like that it sounds like our-"

"Whole relationship is one sided." Suna finished. Both twins turned their attention to Suna. Suna who was analyzing everything this whole time spoke up.

"You said that there is no specific problem in your relationship but there clearly is a communication problem."

"Yea but we can work on that!"

Samu spoke up," What are ya gonna work on when ya cant even talk to him? How do ya plan on fixing this? How are ya gonna work on it? Ya said so yerself that he isn't the type to be so touchy feely like that then how the fuck do you even expect to bring this topic up? YA CANT JUST WORK ON FIXING EVERYTHING BY YERSELF FOR FUCKS SAKE"

" _ **WELL I HAVE TO AT LEAST TRY DON'T I?**_ I-I cant just....I can't give up and....Its not like I exactly enjoy being in the position that I am right now." Atsumu shrunk back in his seat.

At his sudden outburst Osamu's and Suna's eyes widened. He sounded so broken. No. He was exhausted. Exhausted by what's gong on. For the first time Osamu tried to imagine the whole situation as if it were him suffering. What would he he do if Rintaro did something like? What would he do if the person he loved, loved him back but had nothing to show for it? Would he be able to carry on trying to make the relationship work? Would he put in so much effort when he knew the effort wont be reciprocated? Would he be able to survive such a one sided relationship like Atsumu did? He probably wouldn't. Atsumu however had done all of that. Yet he managed to believe he was the reason it wasn't working out. He was trying so hard. Just like with everything else in his life he was going the extra mile for the one he loved even though there was a chance that it would never, if ever, be reciprocated. 

"Break up with him. This relationship is killing you. Slowly but surely. At this rate it might affect your team too " Suna broke the silence.

"I cant just break up with him out of nowhere. It'll probably scar him. He doesn't get too close to people anyway and if I just break up without any reason....."

Samu softly spoke," So better you than him.? How about how this relationship has been hurting you? Do it fer yer own good."

Suna continued, "You believe that there is not problem in you relationship. But there doesn't have to be a specific problem for you to end your relationship. If it feels wrong then it is what it is. You don't have to justify yourself to anyone but you. Don't wait too long. The longer you wait the worse it'll be "

Atsumu seemed to consider this. Would it really be worse the more he put it off? Probably yes. They haven't been in a relationship that long so it won't be significant in the long run. They both have bright futures ahead of them, A future they worked hard for. One insignificant relationship shouldn't affect their relationship. 

_For me every part of this relationship was significant. You were significant, but I guess ya don't feel that way do ya omi kun?_

With a small voice he questioned " What if it doesn't feel wrong?"

"What?"

"I love him. 'm sure of that. These feelings don't feel... they don't feel wrong. Maybe its just a phase. I mean there have been times when I've even thought that volleyball wasn't gonna work out but I stayed cuz it felt right.It always has. And now its fine. Maybe if i just try harder and-"

"A relationship is something totally different. You cannot control the actions of another person. With volleyball you have control and know that your efforts will amount to something at the end of the day. A person is something totally different. You can pour your everything into one person and never have them reciprocate. You can only hope for the best and try not to lose yourself in the way." Suna's warm eyes betrayed the ice cold words pouring out of his mouth. Osamu and Atsumu looked shocked at the way Suna set things into order. Suna had always been blunt and sometimes the shit he said hurt, but everything he had said had been correct. Surely Atsumu knew this. Osamu glanced at his bother and was ready to explain things in a nicer way but one look at him and he knew he understood. Of course he did. Atsumu of all people knew that love wasn't fair.

Atsumu decided then and there that he would break up with him. With a small nod of his head he let the two people in front of him know. Osamu visibly sighed in relief while suna had a small sad smile on his face. Atsumu was someone important in both of their lives and it hurt them to see him hurt.

"Yer not gonna start crying right now are ya?" Osamu asked at his brothers silence.

"Fuck you Samu. No way in hell am I gonna cry."

"Well good because I did _**not**_ fucking sign up to watching you bawl your eyes out " Suna complained. Both twins laughed at that.

The rest of the lunch was surprisingly less depressing after that point. But Atsumu didn't mind. It was nice to get his mind off his problem after talking about them to someone. He was glad his brother and his friend were here for him. Even if they both insulted him and bullied every five minutes, It was a pleasant and welcome change. After lunch they all headed to a nearby grocery store because Atsumu foolishly mentioned he ran out of curry mix and Osamu started complaining how curry mix is bad and how he was ashamed he didn't know how to make curry on his own. Atsumu claimed that he could cook curry but he just didn't have time to and that curry mix was much more better anyways. That led to them both fighting about what curry recipe was better and Osamu dragging him and a tired Suna to the grocery store to get ingredients for the curry. Atsumu didn't complain because he was low on grocery anyways.

Once at the store suna immediately headed for the liquor aisle while Osamu headed for the vegetables. Atsumu let out a chuckle and followed his brother who was giving a full on rant about how to best cook curry. Atsumu tied to pay attention but the terms Osamu was using were confusing him.After all most half an hour of this torture Osamu finally decided that he had bought enough ingredients to last Atsumu for a month. Suna who had been looking like he regretted every life decision till now got even more mad when he wasn't allowed to buy drinks because Osamu reminded him he had a important practice match tomorrow. At the checkout They both were waiting for Osamu to finish checking out his bazillion ingredients. Atsumu spotted a array of small colorful sanitizers on display and his though's instantly went to Sakusa who would love those sanitizers.

_Shit. I need to stop thinking about him all the time over small things like this._

Osamu who was now done checking all the stuff which were two huge bags turned to Atsumu and saw him eyeing the sanitizers. "Stop."

Atsumu turned his eyes to his brother and a understanding passed between them. Suna who had enough of them hurried them to leave. Their plans of going to a bar was cancelled as Suna decided he had enough of the twins shit for one lifetime and would absolutely not deal with them being a drunken mess. Atsumu waited for his uber to show up while Osamu went into more details about the preparation of the curry. Atsumu was almost thankful to bid goodbye to his brother and friend. He reached his apartment soon . With the two heavy bags in his hand he walked up the stairs like a penguin.

_What the fuck did Samu buy? There's enough ingredients for me to eat nothing but curry for a month and still be left with more._

With a huge sigh he walked into his apartment and kicked the door shut behind him. He was carrying both bags on his arm so he had to turn his neck in a weird angle to be able to see. He entered the kitchen and set both bags on table with a loud thud. He let out a a sigh in relief and stretched his aching arms. He poured himself a glass of water from the jug.

"I wasn't aware lunch lasted till 6 in the evening in the Miya timetable."

_what the fuck?_

Atsumu choked on his water. He turned around to see none other than the one and only Sakusa Kiyoomi of his thoughts standing in front of his kitchen entrance.

'W-What are you doing here?" Atsumu had given Sakusa the pass code to his place in case of emergencies but he couldn't think of a single reason why he would be here. Now. Sakusa refused to answer.

"Omi kun I asked you what you were doing here?"

"Is it so wrong for me to drop by your place unannounced? Honestly Miya you're making a big deal out of this for no reason."

_whatthefuckwhatthefuck_

Atsumu's mind blanked. Sakusa who never visits a restaurant without checking what score they had on the health safety inspection, Sakusa who never goes to a place unknown to him without taking a plethora of hand wipes and sanitizing spray, Sakusa who tries to avoid going to other people's houses even if they're his own teammates,Sakusa who tries to stay at the safe walls of his own apartment was..... Here. Unannounced . Acting like it isn't a big deal.

"Hey are you listening or did you leave your brain somewhere to rot out in the street?" Atsumu snapped back to reality. Apparently hoping someone isn't there isn't enough for them to vanish in thin air.

"What took you so long. I thought you went for lunch what's up with all these groceries?"

"oh uh... Samu bought all these ingredients for curry. Apparently using curry mix is a disgrace or sumthin' like that ." 

"All of that just for curry? Are you planning on feeding an army?" Sakusa raised his eyebrows in amusement.

"it's not _just_ curry. At least not to that moron. And no, its not for anyone else" Atsumu shivers just thinking about all the long rant his brother would give him for disrespecting food if given the chance.

"so is that what took you so long? Shopping for curry ingredients?"

"Well in my defense it was Samu who decided to spend an hour and half looking for all this. Me and Sunarin were just sufferin'. "

"Suna san? What was he doing there? I thought you were just gonna have lunch with your brother."

"Oh he just...um wanted to catch up with me."

_He totally wasn't there to help me breakup with ya._

_"_ you sound unsure."

_well what the fuck am I supposed to say?_

"Well he just spent the whole time bullying me so I doubt his claims of missing me is viable." The pout on his face came naturally when he thought about how mean his brother and friend were to him. Sakusa just smirked at him and said," As they should."

"Hey that's mean."

" just saying. So is that what took you so long"

"yep . Wait. Just how long were ya waitin' fer me?"

"Long enough for me to judge your natural habitat and living conditions." Atsumu rolled his eyes in an attempt to hide the nervousness bubbling up in his stomach. This was not good. He was hoping he'd have more time to prepare. Sakusa wasn't supposed to be here.

_Shit why'd he have to come now_

He had really hoped he had more time to organize his thoughts. He wasn't sure what to do now.

" Whats your problem?"

"h-huh?" Shit he needs to stop zoning out and forgetting that Sakusa is there. Sakusa just lets out a huff of breath as if he's annoyed. Well, he has every right to be annoyed considering how Atsumu is blatantly ignoring his existence. Atsumu takes a deep breath and hopes for the best.

_Here goes everything._

"We should talk." Atsumu is proud of himself for managing to get that sentence out without stuttering. Sakusa just raises his brows and nods. Atsumu follows sakusa into the living room trying to organize his thoughts.

"So what did you want to talk about?" Something about the look in his eyes makes Atsumu's breath get stuck in his throat. He wore his usual bored expression but his eyes had a nervous glint in them too. Atsumu knew that his behaviour these past few days had been affecting him just as much as it had been affecting him. For a moment he contemplated whether he should give it another chance.

_No. I need to end it now. For both of our sake. He shouldn't have to worry over something like this and I shouldn't have to walk on eggshells around him._

"Have you suddenly lost your ability to speak?" The words were harsh but Atsumu knew better. He knew Sakusa was worried and that his mind was racing to all of the possible outcomes of this conversation. Despite his claims of being logical and not a pessimist Atsumu knew that Sakusa often assumed the worst in a situation. In this case however his assumption might not be too far off. That in itself made him want to throw up. Thinking of whats coming scared him,but it needed to be done.

"We should break up"

.

.

.

.

"Why" Sakusa's reply was short but it spoke volumes. Atsumu could almost see his train of thought spiraling into a mess as he took the words in. He tried to calculate his next words carefully his head. No need for making this any more painful than it already is. He might be suffering already but there is no reason Sakusa has to walk away bruised too. Its fine if he's the only one who hurts.

"It isn't.. Its not working out."

"What isn't?"

"This relationship."

"And what exactly isn't working out in this relationship for you?" His blunt response and seemingly lack of care triggered Atsumu.

"US, SAKUSA, US. We're aren't..... We're not working out" Atsumu let out a sigh and looked at the ground ashamed. He hadn't meant to yell.

Sakusa was quiet for a few beats.

"And why do you think that is?" Sakusa's bitter tone cut through the tension in the room like a knife.

"What?" Atsumu looked up to Sakusa's, now, emotionless eyes. Sakusa composed himself and Atsumu braced himself for whatever was coming.

" Do you really think......never mind. You know what, You're right, we aren't working. There's no need for us to keep going on with this." Sakusa said that like it was factual. He said it so easily. Too easily. Atsumu let out a bitter chuckle.

"Yea. No need to fool our self's by thinking we're in love or sum shit like that." Sakusa's eyes darkened for a second and Atsumu could almost see the regret build up. But he was too hurt to care now . How could he so easily agree? How could he prove every single on of Atsumu's doubts correct? How could he utter such words so carelessly? Did he really have such little care for him? Such little respect for his feelings? Had he meant so little to him? How dare he?

"Atsumu list-"

"No. Its f-fine. Ya don't have to explain. Ya can just walk away and forget about all this now."

"What?"

"Walk away and we can pretend like this never happened."

"And why would I do that?" His words were tight lipped. Atsumu just scoffed.

"Well like ya said there is no point in fooling ourselves. So lets end it here. Now."

" What exactly do _you_ think we're fooling ourselves about?" His words were accusatory. 

"Everything apparently.Every fucking thing. I've very clearly been delusional about the dynamics of this relationship. To be honest I'm not even sure why we were dating in the first place" Atsumu ran his hand through his hair exasperated.

"Not sure why we were- Are you fucking kidding me right now? Are you seriously telling me you have no idea why we've been dating all this time?"

"No not really so why don'tcha enlighten me ?"

"You-YOU ughhh. What the fuck makes you think I'd willingly be in a relationship with someone I don't care about? You really think I'd let **_YOU_** BE SO CLOSE TO ME AND FUCKING TOUCH ME AND MAKE YOU A PART OF MY DAILY ROUTINE IF I DIDN'T FUCKING CARE?"

"WELL I WOULDN'T KNOW WOULD I? I MEAN WITH THE WAY YOU'RE ACTIN' ." Atsumu scoffed.

"WITH THE WAY I'M ACTING? HAVE YOU SEEN THE WAY YOU'RE ACTING? WHAT ARE YOU? A TODDLER? I'M SORRY IF I DON'T HAVE THE TIME TO FUCKING CODDLE YOU AND PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR CHILDISH REQUESTS 24/7."

"c-childish requests?" 

"YES. YOU AND YOUR CHILDISH FUCKING REQUESTS. I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO SMOTHER YOU EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU DECIDE TO ACT LIKE A FUCKING BABY AND WHINE OVER EVERY LITTLE THING."

"I never asked to be coddled but is it really that hard to just assure me you actually fuckin' care instead of bashing me down at every instance like this just for asking to be loved?" At Atsumu's change of tone Sakusa's world stopped. He sounded so tired. So hurt. He had tears welling up in his eyes and Sakusa couldn't recall ever seeing him cry. Sakusa's whole exterior softened but he knew it was to late for take backsies. Atsumu looked hurt like never before.

"Atsumu-"

"No. Don't. Just fuckin' don't. Never once have I been mean to you about your problems and tried my best to be understanding and help you. Even before we dated I never crossed that line but you......You seem to fucking enjoy breaking me down. I always tried to be there for you when you have your "episodes" but not once have I ever felt comfortable to even fucking talk to you about my problem or anything else for that matter without having you make it seem like im over reacting or over exaggerating.. I always tried my hardest to make you comfortable and feel safe but it's like all my efforts are wasted. Just so you know Its hard Sakusa. And it really really fucking hurts. "

Atsumu hadn't wanted to hurt him like this. Downgrading Sakusa's panic attacks and genuine fears by calling them "episodes" had been a major low blow. He hadn't wanted to make it sound like he only took care of him because he expected the favor to be returned. He hadn't. He would have done those things for him regardless, but right now he wanted to hurt him. Hurt him like he'd been hurt. It was selfish but its okay to be a little selfish. His rational thoughts were long gone now anyways.

Atsumu was passionate in everything he did and he was competitive. These were good qualities when on court but right now they were disastrous. His feelings were getting the best of him and his need to 'win' was making him want to hurt Sakusa in terrible ways. Still he tried to compose himself. During the constant fights he had with his brother he had learned to control himself and often let Osamu get the last word or the last punch. But with Sakusa everything including his control and self perseverance just seemed to fly out the window.

"leave." Atsumu's voice was so small, it was like he was begging him. He was. He wanted to end everything on a happy or remotely decent note. He wanted Omi to leave before he could ruin and taint everything. Something he seemed to do way to often. He doesn't think he can forgive himself if he says something else even more hurtful or much worse, have Sakusa say something like that to him.

"Atsu-"

"Please just go" The tears finally fell. _He broke_. Sakusa's eyes widened before he nodded. He didn't say anything. The look in his eyes blank. He kept nodding even as he walked to the door and wore his shoes. When he looked at Atsumu's slightly shaking figure from the doorway he nodded once more before closing the door behind him. The sound of his apartment door closing was all it took for Atsumu to break down on the ground.

_It was so easy for ya to walk away wasn't it?_

Atsumu doesn't know how long he was there sobbing on the floor. He doesn't cry. Very few things ever make him genuinely cry. Right now was one of those times. He couldn't breathe. His heart hurt and his lungs seized up in his chest. With a shaking hand he got his phone and called Osamu. The phone was picked up almost immediately.

"We saw each other 2 hours ago what could you possibly want-"

"I broke up with him"

"W-What?"

"He-he was in my apartment when I got home and- and I" He couldn't continue. The pain was still too fresh.

".........-I'll be there." That's all he heard before Samu cut the call. 

True to his words Samu was in his apartment within 30 minutes. While Atsumu took a shower Osamu was in the kitchen cooking him food. He hadn't expected everything to go south so fast. But considering the fact that the people involved were his brother and Sakusa Kiyoomi he's surprised nothing worse happened. From what Atsumu had told him Sakusa had just walked away. Osamu was completely ready for murder now. He remembers how he felt when they had first started dating. He had felt jealous. While it may not look like it but he liked being the most important person in his brothers life so when Sakusa started to take up some of the space he had felt jealous. Replaced. Cast away. But then he saw how happy Sakusa had made his brother and had decided maybe it wasn't that bad that he had someone else to love him and tolerate his overbearing ass. He originally had though their relationship wouldn't last considering they were both egotistical jerks with absolutely no filter. Hell, he even had assumed that Atsumu would probably fuck something up but now he felt guilty. Guilty for even thinking his brother would ever do something wrong to the person he loves. He had first had experience of just how overwhelming and warm Atsumu's love was. For him it was fucking annoying but for anyone else it must've been nice and reassuring . Throughout the years even he himself had come to grow fond of it. But now the thought of Sakusa fucking Kiyoomi taking advantage of his love and making his brother lose sight of himself made him mad.

" If it's okay with'cha would ya mind not murderin' the Tuna" Atsumu's voice startled Samu. Osamu looked down and realized he had been chopping the tuna a bit too aggressive.

"Shut up an be glad I'M making food for yer ass." Atsumu just rolled his eyes and sat down on the chair.

"need help?"

"From someone who uses fuckin curry mixes? How about the fuck not."

"Jeez yer actin like its the end of the world."

Osamu turned around with the knife in his hand, murderous expression decorating his face," How about i fuckin chop you up instead?"

"No thanks I'll pass." Osamu just rolled his eyes and went back to butchering the poor tuna. After a while in silence he spoke up.

"Oi Are y okay? "

" Mhm. 'm fine."

"Good cuz if ya start crying I will walk out that door.'

"Ya wouldn't be the first person to do that so don't worry." Atsumu let a pitiful chuckle. Osamu felt a pang of pain hit his heart. If he was feeling this bad just seeing him hurt then how was he feeling? Osamu let out a smal sigh.

"How're ya really doin?"

" 'm not sure. I feel strangely.... relieved? Happy? No not that. I don't know I just feel more at ease I guess" Atsumu was confused. It hurt but at the same time some of the pressure was gone. 

"Its a start I guess."

" Mhm yea. I just wish I dealt with it better instead of the way I did." He regrets the way they parted. parting ways is never pretty but it could have been better. Way better.

"Ya know you can't just control your emotions right. It was a heated situation and ya weren't thinking straight, not that ya ever do but.... don't feel to bad about whats already been done." Osamu slid him a bowl of food from across the table which he graciously accepted. The warm meal seemed to bring comfort and a warm sense of familiarity. Atsumu was glad that his brother was here for him. They ate in a blissful silence and though there was a storm brewing up in his heart, Atsumu's mind seemed to have peace for the first time in days.

That night Atsumu slept peacefully. Even though Osamu's snore and constant position changes right beside him were annoying, sleep came to him easy. For now he would sleep in the warm familiarity embracing him in the form of Osamu's legs thrown over his stomach and an arm over his face. In the morning when Osamu would wake up in the floor Atsumu would pretend he was clueless as to what happened.

_I'll be okay._


End file.
